So my little sister displays clear signs of both Autistic and ADHD but refuse to look into it. She a teen-ish. Everyone suspects she is autistic, both my parents and my other sister but if were to use intensive language here a bit, I would say she is very childish for someone going to high school. There are other reasons that makes me think she is autistic(and has adhd)
Just yesterday she mentioned she finds skin texture disgusting, and has to focus on other features in a person’s face and so gets distracted easily. She refuses to wear wet bathroom saddles. She is extremely touchy and clingy to both my mom and sister. She is stubborn as a well, always thinking she is in the right. She talks more like more like someone who learned to talk from just watching cartoons rather than other people. I could go on.
I admit, its probably my fault. I was more just pushy. I treated badly, telling her our father agrees with me and his word is law. I realise that doesn’t she want the stigma, that I am basically insuring she never wants to look into it. Its not a disease or cancer, the excuse of tough love is not applicable here.
I will just have to drop it, but it hurts me that she has resources that I didn’t have access to when I was her age.
It is getting dangerous to have an autism diagnosis in this day and age. It can also prevent you from being able to immigrate since it’s considered a “disability”. Unless she truly needs accommodations, it is not worth it.
I declined all my accommodations I was offered in school for my epilepsy for this exact reason. I’m already ostracized for it, why would I make it worse by furthering the divide between me and my classmates.
It’s getting safer in some places, but i think you’re right that OP is american
Support her. Love her. Don’t judge her and her choices.
It sounds like you are projecting your situation and your historic unmet needs on your sister. Deal with your own shit.
A positive thing you could do is to continue to learn about the experiences that AuDHD people have and productive ways to support them. If you understand the challenges she has it will be easier to be patient when she has difficulties. This may even lead to an understanding of how to effectively communicate the idea to her in a way she doesn’t immediately reject.
Worst case, you grow your understanding for a large group of people that frequently have difficulty functioning in society.
Can I just ask… what in the hell is a wet bathroom saddle??
We have
saddlesandals for the bathroom.
She’s a teen-ish
If she’s a minor then it would be up to her parents/guardians to take her, would it not?
If I was in the same room, I would want to interrogate your assumptions and your desired outcomes here.
Generally parents dictate a kids medical stuff until 18. does teen-ish mean older than 18. if so did it just come up. I kinda doubt it. why would the parents be concerned now and not look into it before or now if she is under 18?
On the bright side, I think you’re making some really good and convincing observations for her being AuDHD, maybe if you write them down, one day it’ll be helpful or convincing to her.
Sounds like you’re the one with the problem honestly. Best to worry about your own life and problems than your siblings. She sounds cool to me.
Her main problems are concentrating in lessons. We think she may have other learning disability and her grades are suffering for it.
We intended to at least enroll her in summer courses but she’s as stubborn as ox. She thinks it is waste of money, feeling that she’s just lazy.
I dont think your wrong though, both about me and her, I just dont know where to go from here.
The way to help her is not trying to change her mind. Show acceptance. You love her, but the way you manifest it hurts her.
You have to learn how to love. I don’t mean care for her. I mean love, as in taking her in all: the good, the bad, the ugly.
She’s allowed to be stubborn, sad, angry, suspicious. Do not admonish her for showing those “bad” emotions, specially if you don’t think they’re warranted. All you can do then is ask how she feels and whether she’d like to get a hug, or perhaps just be left alone.
It’s going to take time. Building trust always does. But she won’t listen to you until you become a person she reaches out to when things get tough. Right now it sounds like she doesn’t feel you got her back.
I sincerely hope for the both of you that you can deepen your relationship before you go live on your own. It really gets much much harder after that.
Yeah, she’s the stubborn one 🙄
“Professional help” is overrated honestly.
Well. Like. It can be useful sure (particularly ADH"D" medication from what we hear, we’ve never actually had any though).
But it is NOT a thing to “fix” her, to make her like the gross textures, etc. (in case you were thinking it was). Just. No. It doesn’t, and shouldn’t, work like that. Ever.
What ACTUALLY helps is meeting other autistic/whatever people, and realizing that you’re not A Problem™ for not liking gross textures, talking “weird”, etc.
– Frost
What the fuck is this ADH"D" bullshit? If you are implying that ADHD isn’t a disorder you can fuck right off.
Nothing. Your said your piece.
