Yes. I am a woman and really enjoy sex. Less so when I was younger but it is not supposed to hurt, no. Two questions:

What happens when you put in a tampon?

Are you really very aroused before trying penetration?

ETA - people are recommending lube but lube does not substitute for arousal. Lube only helps slip - arousal makes space, adds slip, and relaxes the opening of the vagina some, so that there is room for a penis (or fingers or whatever). Sex is amazing but you need to be turned on to enjoy it.

Welcome to Lemmy! Sorry about the degenerates saying “you’re gay”, as if sexual orientation had anything to do with it (plenty of lesbians like penetration - usually with toys - and vice versa). Trust me, Reddit would be way worse…

Yes, women in general enjoy sex, and not because they like pain (although some like that too, but that’s not relevant to your post). I’ve had the feeling of penetration described to me like a very satisfying pressure, no pain involved at all.

See your doctor. Your vagina can dilate far enough to give birth, the average penis should (taking into account enough foreplay, arousedness and no medical or anxiety issues) really not hurt.

Vaginismus, Endometriosis, Stress, Anxiety, not enough natural lubrication or the need for dilatation are the most common issues, but there are other less common things that can lead to pain. Nearly all of them can be overcome, especially if you have a partner worth keeping.

NEVER let anyone gaslight into thinking your pain isn’t real or no big deal. Pain is a very complex reaction that consists of a sensory input and the interpretation in your brain as painful - noone can decide for you what should or shouldn’t hurt. I was a long time chronic pain patient, and after the surgeons told me that they couldnt do anymore for me and the painkillers didn’t help, i was able to slowly rewire my brain with the help of a fantastic physical therapist. i had been in pain for so long that my brain simply interpreted every sensory input in the affected body parts as pain.

If i was able to get rid of the pain that was crippling me for years, you can do the same. And the sooner you start doing something against it, the easier it will be - don’t try to wait this one out.

I’m a guy, so I can’t truly say first-hand. However…

I know that my current girlfriend (27F) has what I think would be considered " vaginismus ", which is a condition where she finds penetrative sex extremely difficult, due to some combination of fear and (at least anticipation of) pain. Basically she has a visceral panic/pain reaction to even the idea of having something inserted into her vagina, and that is followed pretty quickly with an emotional follow-up in which she wells up and feels abnormal and generally bad about herself.

To be honest I haven’t had a ton of sexual partners, and this was not even something that I was aware existed before starting my relationship with her. She has even gone so far as to tell me that it’s OK if I want to find someone else to have sex with if it’s something that I need, but I don’t feel good about that and I feel that she’s only saying it because she is worrying about me having my needs met… She does masturbate and uses a vibrator to do it in a “shallow” way. She has considered herself asexual at times, which I fully respect, but I also think may be something of a coping mechanism, considering her problem goes beyond sex and into other parts of her relationship with her own body, for example visiting an gynecologist or even just putting a tampon in!

Personally, I’m still trying to wrap my mind around this concept, and even though we’ve talked about it at length I’m not 100% sure whether this is a manifestation of physical pain, or psychological phobia, or both.

I want to be understanding to her and we’re working through it together, but it is difficult for both of us to navigate on an emotional level. I should add that we’re both kinky, and so we have other ways of enjoying “sex” with each other that are not penetrative vaginal sex, and that she is starting therapy for this condition. I really love and care about her, and I want to support her and give her the time and space she needs to figure this stuff out. I’ve done some reading into it, naturally, but as a guy it feels basically unknowable to me!

She’s generally a functional adult but maybe somewhat autistic, and her feelings from this range from embarrassment and shame to pain and self-hatred… so she isn’t always the best at putting her precise words to her feelings. I have asked her if she has had a history of sexual abuse or trauma, and she said “no”. To be honest, she has had some strange ideas about men and sex in the past, referring to sex as “inherently violent” and likening the penis to a “stabbing” weapon. She has had a history of dabbling in lesbianism and is well-educated in various waves of feminism, and hasn’t ever had a boyfriend before me. My understanding is that she has had this mental/physical block for her whole life, even to the point of getting extremely anxious and passing out in sex ed class, or something along those lines.

So, that’s a long way of saying, “no, not all women enjoy sex”, in my experience. 😔

I honestly wish I could say it was somehow my fault–like, I wish it was just because I am terrible at sex. 😂 Because that would make it so much simpler… My girlfriend is a sweet and loving person, and it really makes me sad to think that she has such a deeply painful and antagonistic relationship with her own body and sexuality. It really makes me sad to know that she can’t even put a tampon in without having an intense emotional reaction.

I imagine that she’s not alone in this either, and that there are women all over the world who share this experience, even though it’s not something that’s commonly talked about. I don’t know if your experience is similar or not, but if it is, then please know that you’ve not alone!

Anyway, sorry for the long rambling comment, but I guess I’ve been looking for an outlet to talk about this stuff…

Hi OP, I’m an asexual woman with endometriosis and chronic pelvic pain. Coming at it from this perspective.

Consider that some people find fisting and stuffing jars up their butt pleasurable. People are really weird, so no matter what you think of someone is going to find it pleasurable. Just because they find something pleasurable doesn’t mean you also have to.

If you don’t find something pleasurable, that’s okay. You don’t have to do it, ever. How you describe your pain is how I feel trying to do butt stuff and I just absolutely do not want to engage with it because it doesn’t feel good. I’m not going to go to a doctor to get my butt examined so I can do butt stuff, and I’m sure most the men in this post telling you shit wouldn’t do that, either.

You can have sex without penetration, if you want to. It’s fine not to have sex at all. It’s also fine not to even masturbate. Sexuality shouldn’t be compulsory.

I have a friend who couldn’t do penetrative sex, so her and her husband went to sex clubs and did lots of kink stuff without penetration and she says it was great. Don’t limit yourself to the idea that sex is only penis in vagina. A lot of men to try to tell you that. Hanging out in queer communities has opened my mind to a lot of possibilities.

Vaginismus exists. You probably have it. Doctors are really shit at detecting it. Gynecologists generally only care about delivering babies. Its like my experience trying to get treated for endo. You don’t just go to a doctor and get treated for pelvic pain like a lot of comments seem to be handwaving. It’s a dehumanizing experience and your pain will probably be ignored anyway.

I personally vouch that pelvic floor physical therapists are amazing, but I totally get why someone wouldn’t want to do that. It’ll also probably take multiple doctors and all the pain and violation that comes with repeat exams so it’s completely valid not to engage with the medical system. It was not made for women.

It is perfectly okay to stay as you are and explore non penetrative sex.

That said, the actual answer to your question is that, yes, I am a woman who finds vaginal sex pleasurable. I don’t experience pain from it unless the endo is flaring. However, it causes chronic UTIs amid the other overmedicalized bullshit that sex brings when you are AFAB, so I don’t do it much anyway.

There are conditions where sex is painful that exist for both genders. Vaginismus is maybe 6% for women and phimosis is maybe 3% for men. Numbers on these things are tough to get as many people suffer them quietly thinking they are normal.

If you or your partner experience issues it is important to know you are not alone and you have choices. That said some folks also just do not enjoy sex. Many certainly do, regardless of gender or physicallity.

If you are having issues and you don’t want to, I would advise talking with someone you trust and also seeing a doctor. It is good to get a few viewpoints on issues like this as sometimes they can be dismissed.