Wow, no ambiguity or anything. Jesus Fucking Christ

That’s like a third of a washing machine with a washing machine on top of it traveling at 880 football fields an hour!

Other than medication, the only thing that works for me is going consistently with someone else. Playing games like tennis or racket ball also keeps my brain from giving up. Indoor bouldering where I can make progress on smaller routes can keep me from losing motivation or getting bored, too

I don’t have a good answer for your direct question. It sounds to me like you’re primarily in search of someone you can trust. If I were in your situation, I’d try to find a friend or family member that I trusted absolutely, then see if that friend was willing to talk through the psych plan/feelings/treatments. That trusted friend may be able to offer a different view point that will convince you that your psychiatrist’s plan is good/bad for you personally.

I’d do it this way because then I could have 2 separate concerns. 1) I’d need to find a trustworthy friend. 2) I’d need to find a knowledgeable psychiatrist. I think that’s much easier than finding a psychiatrist who can be both.