“Horniness is the suspension of disgust” is going in my quote book, fyi. It also explains some things about me and my near-constant horniness. And, I think in some ways, the stereotypical CIS male mindset in general. Thank you for this

For us both, really. Its caused a lot of strain on our relationship. I am more than happy to masturbate, but it doesn’t scratch the same itch for me as sex with my wife - lack of intimacy, I guess, but also just I love pleasuring her and I miss that. My wife finds masturbation to be wholly unsatisfying and gets outwardly frustrated if she goes solo for a while.

We both work full time and are juggling taking care of the baby, so many days we just don’t have the bandwidth to both have free time and privacy at the same time and thus initiate sex. Usually we’re worn out by the time the baby is asleep, and even if one or both of us is in the mood we just don’t have the energy. My wife has expressed that she feels rejected and unattractive because of it, and I find myself depressed and also a bit unattractive if I’m being honest.

But we are good communicators with each other, and we’re working through it. Its just hard.

I think the stat is at least 21x per month. So more like 5-6x per week for prostate health benefits.

I just started looking throughthe thread, but the idea that once a week is fairly frequent is mind boggling for me. My wife and I started having sex only once a week post-baby, and its caused us to seek therapy…

Two years ago I sought therapy for my endless cycle of depression, described almost verbatim as above. It was affecting my work performance, my marriage, and I had some pretty compelling thoughts about climbing a tree and taking the nylon-braided express.

Wasn’t my first time seeking therapy. I’d been dealing with depression since middle school. Been on and off anti-depressants. Nothing worked for long, spent most of my time white-knuckling my way through life.

Then, this therapist tells me I don’t have depression. I have ADHD and thats causing consistent depressed states in a neverending cycle of executive disfunction and shame. Or, put another way, “yeah you’re depressed but that ain’t the root cause.”

Since then I’ve learned a lot of ADHD coping skills, I got on low dose stimulant meds, and I’ve learned a lot about how my nervous system works and how to listen to it. Living my best life now.

I wonder how many people are out there thinking they’re depressed and that nothing has helped or will help, but are actually just under- or improperly diagnosed? Getting the totally wrong kind of help? Its kinda chilling.