Making something so routine that you don’t think about it. Like getting ready for work. Build it into your life. Make it a distraction. Get rid of start up barriers that make it difficult to get started. Make it to where you don’t expect to reach the goal. Put all the distractions together so you can switch between them seamlessly. Lean in to the ADHD. Make it so that once you reach your goal your not only surprised but also kinda sad it’s over.

Keep in mind that stimulants are going to interact with your libido in perhaps unintuitive ways. Like a lot of my experience as an ADHD’er this means a more exponential curve where a normal person would be linear. Meaning I take a while to warm up to a situation but I end up having more fun by the end compared to a normal person. Stimulants seem to add more bumps and valleys to this curve in my experience. Also a lot of adhd’rs end up on SSRI medication as well which can dull sex drive. I have found that THC works to counteract these effects

On another note imo someone who makes plans that fall apart at the first hiccup and don’t accommodate the people involved isn’t someone who is good at making plans. Just someone that has very rigid expectations.

Also your partner maybe experiencing some undiagnosed ADHD symptoms themselves. Where by they become more sensitive to ADHD behaviors that they themselves combat with a toxic inner voice. ADHD can be expressed in many ways and not always the cosmonaut - spacey variety. For instance having a very rigid routine in high stimulus activities like shopping where you’re focus is being exploited by advertising and marketing.

The ideal situation shouldn’t be that you are made to cope in such a way that you operate as a normal person. The ideal should be that you have learned something about yourself that can allow you and your partner to organize your lives more effectively with less friction.

It sounds like your partner maybe suffering from anxiety issues. As a adhd’r myself I have to constantly defend my need to just let me do things the way I want. Like give me a goal and let me mess up a bit. Just need the space and time to figure out how I am going to do something my own way cause my experience isn’t typical and it becomes unintuitive for passerby who are trying to facilitate my progress. As a musician I also have become acutely sensitive to how long it takes me to learn an pickup new skills and how my alternative methods often allow me to flourish while traditional methods often hinder me.

Ready to eat quick food that is relatively healthy. Bananas, carrots, celery, rice cakes, chewing gum, water. Short circuit the junk snacks with fruits and veggies that are more easily accessed or at least as easy. I also had premade meals delivered. Make it to where it’s a hassle to get access to unhealthy food. Hard to go through the trouble to get the junk food when the healthy stuff is readily available.

I can certainly relate. I remember disassembling mechanical things as a young kid and it always bugged me that there was this digital level of design that I couldn’t physically investigate intuitively. Then once I started programming I remembered initially being disappointed by the concept of scripting/dynamic language. It felt like if I tried to imagine the twinkle of the 1s and 0s as they moved around the machine the patterns would more divorced from the physical hardware. Probably not an accurate or valid abstraction but it is the model that I mentally interact with at a high concept level. I’ve grown more partial to dynamic languages since then but only as I’ve come to terms with the underlying mechanisms. ADHD needs solid walls to bounce off of and having a interpreter that exists in this virtual environment doesn’t naturally capture my trust. So in my hubris I doubt the veracity of the tools and learn that it requires a context change to dig in to the lower level of the issue which is demoralizing as an ADHD person. And now because I want to mitigate future context change I spend a lot of time forecasting potential context changes and quickly get overwhelmed by my own efforts.