Do you think traffic speeds aren’t enforced? Just because they can’t do it effectively because they don’t have the resources or man power doesn’t mean they don’t try.

Momentum. The reason you don’t fly the fuck off to who knows where when you jump, is because you’re also moving at the same speed the Earth is.

Banishment has always been a thing.

If the president was kidnapped by ninjas, we will send two dudes to rescue him and hope those dudes are bad enough to succeed.

The wrong weed.

If that fighter actually wins, it’ll be pretty funny.

Especially if they’re not even scheduled to fight.

Too many people don’t know what trolling actually is, and also assume anything said to them is hostile.

Trolling implies intent. Are they trying to piss you off, or are you just being an over sensitive little bitch?

There used to be ash trays in public spaces. Like, it was super common.

Since public smoking bans are more common, there are no ash trays anywhere. So people just throw their shit on the ground.

Removing ash trays isn’t going to make smokers go “oh well, guess I should stop smoking.” It makes them go “oh well, I guess there’s nowhere to throw this away, it’s going on the ground now.”

The amnesia part, yes. The case of mistaken identity? Definitely real.

I’m angy and my back hurts.

I have yet to be in a car that can have all of its blindspots eliminated by using the mirrors. Even at the minimum, you’re still gonna have to actually turn your fucking head around and look. Something more people need to be reminded of.

Why is your wife peeing while standing up? 🤔

“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.”

Depends on the brand.

Regular, not-fancy, store-brand eggs are like $2.50-3.

The organic/brown eggs are like $8.

I’m in the central valley of California.

If you haven’t been using an adblocker since the early 2000’s, but actually remember what it was like back then… Why?

Just crawl. It works.

Question: Why is that illegal?

I guess back when they first made Chanel No. 5, that soap smell was more unique. That perfume is from 1921.

I choose to work nights when I can because I don’t have a life anyway and prefer nights to day. I also actually like mornings; I just don’t like waking up. Working nights allows me to enjoy the morning time, without having to deal with the 4 hours of feeling like shit (just how long it takes for me to feel energized after waking up) wasting the best time of day.

Also, a lot of places now offer a 10% increased pay differential if you work the night shift.

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This is objectively the best. Anyone who says otherwise is very, very wrong. 😌