Yeah, there’s no easy way to handle that. I don’t fault her for going in with that conception of ADHD, I think even as a person with ADHD myself I struggle to let myself acknowledge how much more deeply it affects me than “maybe a bit more chaotic or forgetful”.

It is deeply sad to see how much damage it has done to y’alls relationship.

I hope that you will consider therapy for yourselves, and perhaps also couple’s therapy so that, as another commenter suggested, you can at least try to end things amicably and with as much empathy for eachother as possible if things are at their end

Having read through the thread some more and reflected, I think a huge part of the issue is that people really don’t fully grasp how much of a disability ADHD is. I’m going through process of making peace with a different disability, and if I start seriously dating someone there’s no way someone could miss how big of an impact it would have on the relationship. I’m essentially nocturnal. My living space can’t have any windows. I wouldn’t really be able to sleep in bed with my partner because I sleep at the wrong time. Life with me would be radically different in many ways than with a different partner.

If someone starts dating someone in a wheelchair they intuitively grasp that there will be things that their partner can or can’t do that will change the way the relationship looks.

But ADHD doesn’t really get the same respect as a disability, and I feel like that makes it so easy for it to take both partners way too long to see how grave of an impact it can have.

Research has found that ADHD being untreated can reduce life expectancy by as much as 13 years. It’s absolutely a disability, and it’s easy even for us with ADHD to not really fully appreciate just how much it affects us.

That doesn’t change the fact that it has done damage to your relationship. But I do think it is worth having empathy for yourself. This is such a painful thing for both of you I am sure

Please take care of yourself my friend 🫂 I’m sorry that things are in such a painful place. I hope that there are good things in your future, regardless of what shape they may take.

Sending love and support this is such a painful thing to navigate 🫂

It really doesn’t matter that they’re using the thorn, and going around being shitty to people on the basis that they’re weird and have confused ideas sounds like a perfect way to taint the culture of this space with the same bitterness and cruelty that is so ever present in other spaces online.

Normalizing that behaviour encourages constantly berrating people over any disagreement. When you look at spaces where that is normalized, people are often not in the right when they berate someone, but it’s the standard mode of operation. Look at league of legends all chat. I don’t want that for this space.

I think your idea is painfully ill considered and significantly more harmful than using the thorn or whatever, but I’m not going to call you a dreadful worthless moron over it and encourage that we all tell you how stupid you must be to have a bad idea, because that’s miserable and I care about this space I’m in. Thats not what I go online for.

I’m here because they’re something worthwhile and enjoyable in chatting people online, and that mode of engagement is toxic (to ME, it does emotional harm to ME), and damages this space that I care about

I get that it’s irritating, I also thing it frankly doesn’t really matter that much, and this space is a precious escape from the shittiness of the outside world.

Ridicule makes this space worse. It normalizes a way of engaging with one another that poisons culture of the place we “live”. It’s is bad for us, collectively, to be dicks over stuff that really doesn’t matter much. Block them and move on.

I also find it grating, but this space is full of eccentrics with weird ideas, and I’d much rather not spend my time in this space angry and trying to reach someone who doesn’t care what I think, over a thing that doesn’t matter, and if we normalize that form of engagement it makes the whole platform worse, in addition to just filling me with bitterness and resentment over a thing that really isn’t that important

(I’m responding to the broad sentiment I’ve seen across many replies, not just you, I can understand the sentiment behind telling people they’re being irritating. But I’m also replying to the parts of the discussion here with the guy who said we should go back to shaming people for being idiots. That sounds like a good way to make this space toxic, unwelcoming and shitty over minor disagreements.)

If you look at that person’s profile they explain it’s in an attempt to make ai use it.

Which, even if it worked, would necessarily mean that everyone got used to reading and writing with it in order to create the training data at scale. So then it wouldn’t be weird or confusing for the ai to use it.

It doesn’t make a ton of sense. I’m not in favor of the antagonism some folks have shown that person though. I just think their idea on how to contest ai is a bit confused.

That depends a lot of what the fears are and how you do it.

It has to be exposure to the stuff you’re trying to challenge your anxiety about, and you should work up to it slowly.

A game with heights might be helpful for a phobia of heights if employed correctly, but a game with space monsters jumping out at you is unlikely to challenge social anxiety, or generalized anxiety. It has to be exposure to the thing you’re actually afraid of, not just fear itself.

Reading about exposure therapy, especially related to your particular challenges, would be a good starting point

I’m bad at internet sarcasm but it’s becoming apparent you’re joking lol

Have a nice day.

Do you have any further reason to believe that? Cause I’m not seeing any…

I saw that- I’m pretty sure that was just a meme they found off the internet. They even explicitly said they were in a different area, and their comments in that thread suggest they’re a 2a leftist, which is HIGHLY unlikely to go hand in hand with being a Mormon

The leap of logic from that map to them being a Mormon is… Large. They also clarified they were only talking about having one partner in this thread.

I really don’t think you had enough substantuation to suggest to others that they’re a Mormon, it seems very clear upon further looking that they aren’t…

Like actually or are you making a joke?

Super interesting, thank you for taking the time to teach me a bunch of things!

To my personal understanding from being amab (though I did transition at 16, but never went through voice training and these days am more masc aligned) and also my understanding from the video- yes men generally stop having voice cracks post puberty with rare exceptions like when intensely emotional or something, not because there isn’t still a sharp transition, but because they learn to control their newly changed vocal cords, developing an intuitive understanding of that transition and avoid it because it’s generally thought of as embarrassing for your voice to break.

Voice breaks are a puberty specific experience that is often thought of as a awkward and embarrassing transition into a new “adult” masculine voice

(Forgive me if I’m explaining the obvious or misunderstanding, I’m super tired and not entirely sure I’m reading your comment correctly at the part you seem to be asking about this. Regardless, I hope you have a lovely day :)

Yeah probably a polygroup. Some folks date in groups larger than two 🤷

Its more common among queer folks, and also kinky folks (who are also often queer)

This is just a fact I learned along the way, not so much personal experience, but I thought it was super interesting to learn that apparently one of the biggest differences between masc and femme voices isn’t just pitch but more constant variation in pitch.

Afab folks are typically less monotone and use pitch more excessively throughout their speech which I thought was really neat. Unrelatedly, I also heard Hank green explain the physiology of voice recently and how your voice can “break” or what the difference between your “head voice” and “chest voice” is, and the reason amab folks vary pitch less seems almost certainly (edit: I don’t actually know what the fuck I’m talking about, this is just me processing information together, I have no idea if it’s actually correct, take with an ocean of salt) a product of different vocal cord physiology after experiencing puberty (your vocal cords change in a way that makes it harder. Those same changes are what’s responsible for your voice breaking more often, as you struggle to control the now sharper difference between lower and higher pitches you can create. Where afab and prepuberty folks can more easily manage a smooth gradient in pitch), which is also really interesting!

If anyone wants a video on the vocal cords explanation stuff I can link to it, it was from hank’s “ask Hank anything” with Jacob Collier

That wasn’t as much my experience but I never really distinctly disliked the name I used before transitioning, it just wasn’t what I needed at the time

That being said, my relationship with gender has ended up being very messy, and I now go by a different spelling of the name I used as a kid, so whether I fit into the umbrella of “trans” is complicated

A good doctor is honestly worth their weight in gold, it can be so hard to find good medical providers

I’m so glad you’ve found yourself a good one 😊

Rippp

North Carolina here, there’s definitely been a fuckton of rain thusfar, and humidity to go with it

I have no experience with the first but I think to me it would be worth it just to get the media that works okay currently covered. To my mind the only thing to loose is time spent on the meds that currently help, and energy evaluating a new thing

Aww. That’s really cool!