I love genuine questions and people putting in the effort to love and understand each other better. If you come at me just wanting to argue I’m going to troll you back. FAFO.

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Joined 3 years ago
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Cake day: June 12th, 2023

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  • I’ve spent my whole adulthood working in hospitals. They’re shitholes, every single last one of them. Do every single thing you can to never be in one.

    Drink water, plain water. Eat whole grains and leafy vegetables. Treat red meat like a dessert (and if you’re morally opposed to meat, make sure you’re still getting all your essential proteins). Find a physical activity you enjoy and do it at least three times a week. Either join an organized religion or specifically curate a group of people you do a weekly activity with who will come check on you if you suddenly stop showing up. And while you’re at it pick a mindfulness activity that you either enjoy or that brings you peace (prayer qualifies but so can yoga or a lot of other things). Avoid nicotine and alcohol at all costs. Go easy on the weed, and avoid anything more interesting without guidance from either a medical professional or some kind of traditional expert on those substances. And if a competent doctor listens to your specific situation and tells you to do or not do something I’ve mentioned, listen to them instead of me.

    Decide who you would want to speak for you on your death or near-deathbed. Choose people both trustworthy and level-headed who will put your wishes over their own emotions. Choose multiple people, because it’s not unlikely that any one person will be in the car wreck with you. Talk to those people about what you want to happen or not happen so they can best carry out your wishes. Sign some kind of legally binding paperwork that cements them as the decision maker, especially if your first choice is not the default the state would choose (parent, spouse, sibling, adult child, etc). You can write whatever you want then to do on the paper, but the chosen person will have the right to override it if they think you would want them to. So sign the paper but don’t forget to TALK to them about it.

    And good luck because while this will give you the best odds, the universe might also just decide to fuck you in particular anyway.





  • Oh hi I’m a psychiatric nurse!

    Most important: Pick the three people you trust most in the world, put them in order of who you want making decisions for you the most (you also need to consider who will be the most level-headed & put your needs before their own emotions), then talk to your doctor about what paperwork you need to sign for that. Then talk to those people at length about how you want to die and what would make you feel the safest and happiest day-to-day until it happens. Think about what routines have brought you peace in your life, what things you do for fun / relaxation, what kind of music you like to listen to, etc.

    If you’re up to it, I also highly recommend Wellness Recovery Action Planning. It’s more designed for people who are more likely to recover, but it’ll give you a template to go off to communicate your day to day needs in a written format for your legal decision makers and healthcare professionals to make you feel safe and comfortable as you progress through these next few stages. It’ll also have some spaces for you to mention any specific triggers (a lot of the time we find out someone has PTSD from sexual assault after a trip to the bathroom unexpectedly turns into a cage match and it would be nice to get a heads up instead). And if you do this have a special section just for music; it’s the part of your brain that’s likely to keep working the longest. Make two playlists, one to dance / have fun to, and one to relax / sleep to.

    I wouldn’t fuss too much on the gun thing unless you already have one / have been used to having one for most of your life. If you were never a gun person before you’re unlikely to randomly just go out and buy one.

    Good luck and I really hope you’re able to find trustworthy people to make decisions for you because without them to actually carry out your wishes, literally anything else you decide on now is completely moot.



  • I’ve been working inpatient psychiatry for almost a decade now and here’s how we talk people out of delusions…

    …you don’t. Confronting the delusion directly helps their brain practice protecting the false belief system and strengthens the neural links / pathways. It’s like the ruts made by a wagon wheel, the more the wagon travels the path the deeper they get. You can try and haul the wagon up out of the ruts onto a different part of the road using brute strength but 10 seconds later it’s gonna fall back in and you’ll exhaust yourself trying to wear a new track so close to the old one. You’re much better served just sending the wagon somewhere else entirely and waiting for the ruts to erode on their own (this metaphor also maps well to addictive / difficult to discontinue behaviors; it’s often easier to disengage from the entire constellation of behaviors and stimuli around the habit, including things like people and places, than it is to just stop the habit itself).

    So if you really do love this person and want to bring them out of it, do your best to send the wagon somewhere else. Just glaze over for a second while they rant, then change the subject and engage fully with something reality based you can create a connection with. Try to connect over knitting or gardening or woodworking or music or old movies or sports or whatever other hobby or social activity / discussion you can use to connect with them over that’s reality based.

    That’s how COVID sucked them into all this. It broke up the knitting groups and gardening clubs and cooking classes and all anybody had left to socialize with was Facebook conspiracies. If we want out, we need to focus on rebuilding those communities.